I hate how I keep falling in love. There are so many things I would want to talk about, to that certain person, but all I get are cold replies. Like they don't care. Maybe I just desperately want someone to care for me just once. And maybe I want that someone to be a girl. But it's so hard. I don't know what to do and I don't want to think about what I should do. But I end up thinking about it over and over again anyways. Thinking about what I could've possibly done wrong, thinking about how I should ammend for these mistakes. But she probably has never put those thoughts in her mind.
It's like unrequited love right? I have no idea. Every day, I feel that we stray further and further apart from each other. I do want to ask her how she actually feels about me? But wouldn't that destroy our friendship? Do I even care about my friendship with her at this point? Thinking about this has really, really hurt me lately, and I have nowhere else to spout my thoughts on. Maybe I just want her to read this, and tell me how she feels. Maybe. I'm sort of writing this just to make myself feel a bit better. I'm trying to face the fact that she doesn't like me, and is intentionally ignoring me, but it really is killing me slowly. I just want to run away from all these problems. Can I? Ugh, relationships are tough man....
It's a good thing I play piano, or I think my mental health would have been adversely affected by this. Playing the piano... it's the best way to escape reality, you know. Maybe I should do something for her. At this point, I don't even know. Is it even worth it? I have to trust that it is I guess. But why trust in something she didn't even give me a chance at? ... I don't know. Sometimes, I just want to believe you know. But maybe, I'm believing in the wrong things.
